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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25621927">The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaticdragon/pseuds/Dramaticdragon'>Dramaticdragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ADHD!!! on Ice [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>ADHD Character, Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Minor Angst, Post-Canon, Viktor has ADHD</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,796</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25621927</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dramaticdragon/pseuds/Dramaticdragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Before being officially wed, Viktor knows he should be truthful to Yuuri about his flaws. But sometimes, telling somebody what's "wrong" is a very scary thing.</p><p>[Viktor has ADHD and a very hard time telling Yuuri, but Yuuri is there for him no matter what]</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Katsuki Yuuri/Victor Nikiforov</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>ADHD!!! on Ice [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1923961</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>189</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>The Whole Truth, and Nothing But the Truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>AIGHT REAL QUICK-<br/>I have ADHD. This is HEAVILY based on personal experience and literally straight up my speech patterns because I projected so hard. So will they talk probably a bit OOC? its a possibility, I just wanted to make a vent ADHD fic so there you have it!!!!! Sometimes people expect you to be perfect and that just makes having flaws harder!!!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>            Yuuri was an angel. That’s all there was to it, at the end of the day. That fact was not lost on Viktor, by any means. And he was somehow lucky enough to not only have Yuuri in his life, but a ring around his finger. They hadn’t set a date to their wedding yet, but both agreed that upcoming late spring would be ideal. They still had plenty of time, as it was summer right now, so they weren’t too worried.</p><p>            Well, Viktor had a few worries, but not about the date or location (a part of him wanted to use the hot springs as a wedding location, but that might not be appropriate).</p><p>            Yuuri had told him, at this very beach they sat at now, months ago: “Just be yourself”. Took Viktor a week to recover from <em>that</em> little line. Frankly, he might still be. And while he honored that, and did act more “like himself”, there were still… parts he hid away. He stopped being a “fake Viktor” around Yuuri, honestly. But it was those types of lies that were only lies because they weren’t the whole truth. He was still honestly himself around Yuuri, just a rather “handpicked” portion of himself. At this point, it was habit over anything else. Hiding parts of himself. It wasn’t even for his benefit; it was for Yuuri’s. Well, technically it was also for his own benefit? Here’s the logic- if he only showed the (still true!) parts of himself that Yuuri liked, Yuuri would be happy! Yuuri benefits. And if Yuuri is happy, he’ll stay- Viktor’s benefit. A win-win situation, here.</p><p>            But as they sat in silence, staring at the waves rolling back out to sea, there was a part of Viktor’s heart that started to bleed at the idea. Remembering what Yuuri had asked of him, and their upcoming promise of marriage… Could Viktor truly lie the rest of his life? He and Yuuri already shared nearly everything, and Yuuri hadn’t slept in his own room in over a month now.</p><p>            Honestly… He probably could manage it. He’s done it his whole life so far. Lying. It wasn’t hard, anymore. Frankly, the hard part was trying not to lie. It was compulsive, at this point. He still lied about smaller things to Yuuri, sometimes, too, but would often come clean after a few hours (“I actually did eat your leftovers…”, “It <em>was</em> my turn to feed Makka…”, “My phone actually was on, I just forgot to answer your text.” And so on and so forth). But lying about himself, on a true state of being… sounded terrifying, honestly. Did people just live like that?</p><p>            <em>Well</em>, Viktor thought, cruelly, <em>They didn’t have as much to hide, did they.</em></p><p>            So, okay, maybe Viktor feasibly <em>could</em> lie the rest of his life. It might get harder when they move out to an apartment (possible back in Russia? Still up for debate.), but Viktor can adapt!</p><p>            But… <em>could</em> versus <em>should</em>…</p><p>            Yuuri was so honest with Viktor, all the time… Even about simple things Viktor wouldn’t even think of. He was honest about his emotions (these days, at least), about his thoughts, his opinions, his general state of being. Everything! Even when Viktor didn’t pry him open, Yuuri was honest. Like he got some benefit from it.</p><p>            <em>Oh, of course he did- he’s a good person. Forgot what those were, Viktor? </em></p><p>            Yuuri must have heard Viktor sighing, and looked up from his phone where he was reading on the Kindle app.</p><p>            “You okay?” He asked quietly, putting his phone away.</p><p>            Viktor nodded- half-truth again. Was he physically okay? Yeah, he was. Emotionally not so much, but Yuuri didn’t specify, so it wasn’t a lie!!!</p><p>            Yikes…</p><p>            Should he even go through with this? This whole “being open” thing? Was it worth it?!</p><p>            Yuuri- again, an angel- sat up straighter and turned to face Viktor entirely.</p><p>            “Viktor?” He asked.</p><p>            Viktor took a deep breath in. Okay. Small steps. Maybe just one piece, to test the waters.</p><p>            “I’m just thinking about some things,” Viktor answered, trying to think how to best start this conversation.</p><p>            “What about?” Yuuri asked, voice casual but still concerned.</p><p>            Viktor leaned his head back, stared up at the clouds for a moment. Now or never…</p><p>            “I think… I haven’t been completely honest with you, but I don’t really know how to be, either.” He answered, probably way too vague.</p><p>            “What do you mean?” Yuuri asked, fairly confused.</p><p>            Viktor’s head fell back down, purposely staring at the bruise on his right knee, and <em>not</em> at Yuuri.</p><p>            “So… You know how you told me, a while back, that you had, um, an anxiety disorder?” Viktor said.</p><p>            He could tell Yuuri nodded in his periphery.</p><p>            “Yeah…?” Yuuri said, after Viktor didn’t say anything else for a few moments.</p><p>            “Um… So, obviously, I don’t have that, but I do… have something, actually.” Viktor mumbled, pulling his legs a little closer.</p><p>            Periphery-Yuuri nodded again, and even though Viktor couldn’t see him clearly, he could tell Yuuri was trying to think things through, on what to say.</p><p>            “Do you know what it is?” Yuuri asked.</p><p>            Viktor nodded, but remained silent for some time.</p><p>            Yuuri seemed okay with waiting for Viktor- angel.</p><p>            “So, I don’t know the name in Japanese, I don’t know if you know it in English?” Viktor started, clearly just stalling.</p><p>            “Maybe. I can look it up if I don’t,” Yuuri said, holding up his locked phone for a moment.</p><p>            Viktor nodded again.</p><p>            “So, um, usually it’s just an acronym… It’s um… It’s called ‘ADHD’?” He said, nearly inaudible volume at the end, he was going so low.</p><p>            Yuuri nodded slowly.</p><p>            “Okay, I know what that is,” Yuuri said, slowly, letting them both think, “But can you tell me what it means, for you, specifically?”</p><p>            “Hm?” Viktor hummed.</p><p>            “Well, I know it has a lot of symptoms, yeah? Even anxiety disorder has some differences, but yours has some variety, right? I guess what I’m asking… What do you feel it means for you? If that makes sense?” Yuuri said, trailing off trying to explain himself.</p><p>            Oh, yeah, that made sense. He was right, after all.</p><p>            Viktor appreciated Yuuri didn’t say “ADHD” out loud yet. Just “yours”. Much easier to hear, personally.</p><p>            “Um… okay.” Viktor said, not sure where to go from here. Honestly, his goal was to say that he had it, and drop it from there.</p><p>            “So, um, sometimes it’s hard to read things if there’s a whole lot of words. That’s why I have that audio book subscription, and all.” Viktor said. Okay good so far. That’s a symptom.</p><p>            Yuuri nodded.</p><p>            “What do you want to know?” Viktor asked, far too out of the water trying to explain ‘what it means’ by himself.</p><p>            Yuuri tapped his thigh for a moment, thinking.</p><p>            “I guess just… Well, my anxiety disorder makes it hard for me to hear about bad things when I try to focus, you already know that. If I get distracted, it’s really hard for me to put myself back on track. And that affects <em>us</em>, as a couple, too. Like, sometimes you help me when I have those panic attacks, even when I don’t know why I have them every time.” Yuuri explained, still with a soft voice, “Thank you for the help, by the way.”</p><p>            Viktor nodded to the thanks, and everything else, too.</p><p>            Okay, so… Step one, the problems it causes, step two, relationship-wise.</p><p>            Those are big steps.</p><p>            Yuuri makes it seem way too easy.</p><p>            “I guess it just messes with how I understand things, usually. And how I react? It’s kind of hard to explain. I never told anyone.”</p><p>            “Really?” Yuuri asked.</p><p>            Viktor nodded, again.</p><p>            “Yakov knew-er, <em>knows</em>- because I was a teenager when I was diagnosed. The yearly athletics physical doctor noticed something, I suppose, and sent me to go get it checked with a professional as part of my physical. That doctor told Yakov, and me, obviously. So that’s it. Me, Yakov, that one doctor, and you.” Viktor said. It was easier to explain logistic facts like that.</p><p>            “Oh,” Yuuri whispered, “Well, thank you for telling me.”</p><p>            Viktor nodded and shrugged simultaneously.</p><p>            “Is there anything I can do to help?” Yuuri asked.</p><p>            Angel! Again!</p><p>            Viktor scratched his knee, thinking.</p><p>            “Um… I don’t really know if it’s <em>helping</em>, but, it’s easier for me if I go to bed early. That’s why I do it, already. I don’t mind if you stay up, though, obviously.” Viktor answered.</p><p>            Be honest, but not inconvenient. Perfect ratio.</p><p>            “If it makes it harder for you to sleep, I don’t have to play any games or anything when you go to bed,” Yuuri offered still.</p><p>            “No, no, it’s okay!” Viktor said quickly- do <em>not</em> be weird!, “I don’t even notice it.”</p><p>            Yuuri nodded, hardly visible at this point, by how much Viktor was sliding into his knees.</p><p>            “Hey, Viktor?”</p><p>            “Yeah?”</p><p>            “Can you look at me, for a second?”</p><p>            Viktor squinted his eyes shut for a moment. Nooo…. But if Yuuri asked…</p><p>            He sat up slowly, not really turning his head, but looking with his eyes at Yuuri.</p><p>            Yuuri seemed a little startled by Viktor’s sudden shift in demeanor. Normally, he’d look Yuuri head on until Yuuri had to look away.</p><p>            “Are you going to be okay?” Yuuri asked, concern clear on his face.</p><p>            Viktor nodded, quickly, too quickly.</p><p>            “I’m fine! Really, I just wanted to tell you, before we got married, but it’s all okay!” He said, trying to take the out. This was a good transition!</p><p>            “Do you mind if I ask you some questions about it?” Yuuri asked.</p><p>            <em>Ugh!</em></p><p>On one hand- of <em>course</em> Viktor minded! Don’t <em>talk</em> about his problems?! It’s bad and draws bad attention to him, and Yuuri will be unhappy and that’s <em>awful</em>. On the other hand, though, Yuuri asked, and if Viktor doesn’t do what Yuuri wanted, Yuuri might get unhappy also. Very bad situation.</p><p>            It was a weird two-sided coin, Viktor’s thoughts. He didn’t doubt Yuuri’s loyalty or devotion, not for a moment. Yuuri never deserved even a shred of doubt. But Viktor also wanted so desperately to be loved, and to never have Yuuri feel anything other than love. If Yuuri even felt inconvenienced by him, or even worse <em>annoyed</em>, Viktor might dissolve.</p><p>            So Viktor shrugged.</p><p>            “Well…” Yuuri started, “Can I ask, why are you so nervous to tell me? You already know I have plenty of problems, if that’s what you’re worried about.”</p><p>            Viktor shrugged, yet again. What a question!</p><p>            Deep down, Viktor knew the answer. The full-truth answer. Can he <em>say</em> it, though, is a different story.</p><p>            “So,” Viktor started, with a long sigh, “It’s not that you have ‘plenty of problems’, or anything. I kind of knew most of those things, already, when I met you. Like, not in <em>detail</em>, but I figured you were nervous about stuff more than I might be.”</p><p>            Yuuri nodded, letting Viktor continue. So far no offense, so that’s good.</p><p>            “But…” Viktor continued, very slowly, “You didn’t know this about me.”</p><p>            “You’re right.” Yuuri nodded, “But I appreciate you telling me.”</p><p>            Viktor nodded back, once again not knowing how to continue.</p><p>            “So, I guess, if I never told you, you wouldn’t know, and then, it would be easier.” Viktor said.</p><p>            “Easier?” Yuuri echoed, tilting his head.</p><p>            “Well-Yeah, because you just wouldn’t know, then,” Viktor answered.</p><p>            “But wouldn’t you be stressed? Trying to hide that forever?” Yuuri asked, his voice getting a little higher pitch with concern.</p><p>            Viktor shrugged, looking back to his knees once again.</p><p>            “I mean, that’s kind of beside the point, though, isn’t it?”</p><p>            “No?” Yuuri said, leaning forward, “Why would- what do you mean, <em>beside the point</em>?”</p><p>            Shrugged again- it was the easiest answer to give while Viktor thought of words to say.</p><p>            “Because then you wouldn’t have to worry, or think about what you say or do any extra, or anything! It would be easier for <em>you</em>.” Viktor explained, while shoving his head back against his knees.</p><p>            Yuuri was silent for a few heartbeats, and Viktor squinted his eyes shut. This was going <em>very </em>poorly, suddenly.</p><p>            “Viktor…” Yuuri whispered, which was somehow far scarier than his earlier ‘loud and higher pitched’ voice.</p><p>            Viktor didn’t respond.</p><p>            “Viktor, why would you only want it to be easier for me?”</p><p>            Perhaps it was the panic that led Viktor to open his big dumb mouth too early. Maybe it was angel-Yuuri’s magic touch, making Viktor one step too comfortable to filter himself. Maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the reason, Viktor regretted the words before they even finished coming out:</p><p>            “Because if it’s easier, you won’t leave like everyone else!”</p><p>            …</p><p>            Viktor was silent after that outburst. He pressed his face against his pulled-up knees, hiding himself as best as he could. Yuuri was also silent, but Viktor could feel two burning holes in his skin as Yuuri undoubtedly stared at him.</p><p>            “N-Not that, it’s just-” Viktor started, trying to think of a good way to word himself out of this one.</p><p>            He was never good with words.</p><p>            But Yuuri didn’t say anything. Perhaps he already left.</p><p>            But no, suddenly, there was a soft yet warm hand being placed over Viktor’s back. After Viktor had a moment to register it’s presence, it slid to his side and pulled Viktor tightly against Yuuri’s chest- he was curled in a ball so tightly at this point, he hardly reached Yuuri’s neck. Yuuri wrapped his other arm around Viktor’s front, across his knees, and simply held Viktor so tightly for what felt like hours.</p><p>            Viktor wasn’t a crybaby. Perhaps he was meant to be, inherently, but years of forcing oneself to push yourself down probably led to difficulty crying.</p><p>            He had no difficulty right now.</p><p>            Crying was suddenly the easiest thing in the world, against Yuuri’s chest.</p><p>            Viktor couldn’t bring himself to hug Yuuri back, however. He still held his knees tightly to himself, despite wanting to cling to Yuuri instead. His joints felt like solid iron, unwilling to move, while he cried to Yuuri.</p><p>            And so, they sat. They cried. And Yuuri held Viktor until Viktor had let every last tear come out. Viktor was glad he hadn’t seen the time on Yuuri’s phone while they were talking, he might have been embarrassed at how long he cried if he knew the time. He could tell Yuuri was crying too- he could hear it, and feel Yuuri’s hands shaking. But Yuuri never let go.</p><p>            Eventually, the tears stopped. In their place, came a heavy exhaustion. Viktor’s joints could finally move again, it seemed, and he slowly and gently wrapped his own arms around Yuuri’s waist. His knees were suddenly cold from their vice-grip being removed. As he hugged Yuuri back, Yuuri started to move his hand to rub Viktor’s back, slowly, softly. The motion made Viktor want to cry again, for a moment, but he had nothing left to cry.</p><p>            Being held so tightly in Yuuri’s arms was a paradise, it even caused Viktor to forget why he even cried in the first place. But only for a moment, then he remembered, and held Yuuri all the tighter.</p><p>            “I’ll never leave you,” Yuuri whispered, so quiet Viktor could scarcely hear it over his own breathing, “I promise you.”</p><p>            But Viktor was still scared. He was scared that was a promise Yuuri couldn’t keep. People make promises all the time, before they realize what it means.</p><p>            But somehow, Yuuri squeezed him even tighter, and part of him believed.</p><p>            <em>Just believe in me more than I do</em>, Yuuri once instructed Viktor. Maybe Viktor should let Yuuri believe in <em>them</em>, now.</p><p>            “There’s just… so much to it,” Viktor said quietly, his voice reverberating off Yuuri’s chest, “So much no one knows… Everyone expects me to be like what they see in posters.”</p><p>            “I don’t.” Yuuri said, so matter-of-factly, as to remove any doubt Viktor’s ever had, “I don’t want you to be like the posters.”</p><p>            As Yuuri spoke, his hand that was rubbing Viktor’s back moved to hold the back of Viktor’s head, carefully.</p><p>            “I don’t want the guy in the posters,” Yuuri continued, “I want my Viktor. That one’s everyone else’s Viktor. I want <em>my</em> Viktor.”</p><p>            Viktor managed to scrape up a few more tears at that.</p><p>            “You don’t have to tell me anything else, right now,” Yuuri said, using his thumb to gently scratch Viktor’s scalp, a personal favorite of Viktor’s, “Little by little. We can figure it out, together.”</p><p>            Viktor nodded into Yuuri’s chest. It was all he was capable of, currently.</p><p>            “And Viktor?” Yuuri started, leaning back to put enough space between them to look Viktor directly in his red, swollen eyes, “I love you. I will always love you.”</p><p>            And Viktor believed him.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>lowkey might write some more to this later, of them like little by little discovering what it means and how it affects Viktor, but rn its bedtime. pls comment nice things hehe ily</p></blockquote></div></div>
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